Felis Selita has a blog, eeya-eeya-oh!

you know spock is not really in control of his emotions, right?

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Fangirling and Shipping : a Personal Experience

I am a fangirl and a shipper.

Usually I fangirl books, comics/mangas, tv shows, and movies. Sometimes Kpop boybands, too. Most of the time, I also ship a male slash pair within mentioned fandoms, thought it wouldn’t be the only reason I fangirl the fandoms.

One day I feel bad about shipping. ‘Only I do this weird thing around here,’ I thought. ‘None of my friends do this. Only I get attached to a character or two and then think about them in a subliminal yet constant way.’

It doesn’t feel right. Maybe I should get a lot of friends, hang out more, or maybe get a boyfriend to love.

But then I think a lot and realize, I tend to have an obsessive trait.

Wanting to see more of a fandom, wanting to see more interaction between the characters, always wanting to be able to draw the characters perfectly, always wanting to contribute, always wanting to get a feel of a stable relationship between the characters that I ship. Wanting it all to an extent that my ‘normal’ friends would think excessive. Going about in circles in my own world.

If such traits are applied to a person, what it would be like?

Always wanting to know all about a person, always wanting to be together to a person, always wanting to do things even though that person thinks it’s unnecessary, being too clingy, overprotective, over attached.

Only to forget it a few months later. (This is a personal experience, remember)

I tend to do that, I realize. I tend to obsess over a fandom for about 7-8 months, and then get bored and jump to another, maybe a comic this time, and then repeat the cycle. I tend to move fast, it’s always yes or no, it can’t be somewhere in the middle, I can’t wait, I’ll just lose interest if I do.

I believe in love too much. I am too romantic, I am foolish, I am old-fashioned. I don’t think I can or should do the same to a person. That isn’t right. To obsess over people and then forget them after a while… That’s just not right.

I can’t let my obsessive traits get applied to a person.

Instead, my obsessive traits right now is applied to a fandom.

In other way, fangirling and shipping saved me from being clinically obsessive-compulsive in the real world.

Because to me, having obsessive trait to a fictional thing is okay. After all, it is fictional. Whether I believe this character loves that character or not, whether I really want them to just kiss already or not, doesn’t matter at all to the real world. Whatever I believe and I ‘force’ the character to do (in my fanworks) doesn’t alter the real book/movie/etc. They’re just characters. Sometimes there are fanwars, but outside of that it doesn’t really matter, since the characters are not really living. It is not an obsessive-compulsive disorder as long as it doesn’t get real (as far as I know).

So maybe fangirling is strange, unnatural, ‘come on, it’s just a movie’.

Maybe shipping sounds so sad, pitiful, ‘she can’t get a boyfriend that’s why she does it all’.

But if fangirling and shipping could save me from being clinically obsessive-compulsive, then, by Jove, I’d ship all the way to Hell, to Heaven and back. I’d be ‘strange’, I’d be ‘pitiful’. I’d rather do this ‘weird nerdy thing, ugh’ rather than be a monster.

So if fangirling and shipping saves me, I don’t have to be scared.

If it helps, I don’t have to feel bad.

If it is what I like, as long as I don’t hurt anyone, I can and should feel proud.

Even if some people think, ‘why are you drawing two males like that? that’s gay’, as long as I am happy, I don’t have to feel small.

Even if some people say, ‘you do that because you don’t have a boyfriend, right?’, I don’t have to feel sad. Hey, maybe I’m just old-fashioned, maybe I don’t think I’m already the age to have a boyfriend, maybe I don’t think I should get one if I don’t really need one, maybe I’m waiting for the right one so it would last, etc etc: just because someone doesn’t have a lover doesn’t mean they can’t get one later. Besides, I did have one once and I still fangirl-ed and ship-ed at that time. So it doesn’t really have the kind of correlation that people think.

I get scared a lot. Sometimes I think if I am not a good person just because I am a fangirl and a (male slash) shipper.

But if I continue living as always, studying good, trying to get good grades, trying to get a nice job, trying to keep friends friends, trying to get new friends who would stay, being a good citizen to society, country, and humanity, not being a criminal, etc etc, then there is no problem, right?

If there is no problem, then I shouldn’t make it into a problem just because other people think it’s a problem.

It’s my life.

I get to live it however I want.

So, I’ll keep on fangirling and shipping.

Filed under personal shipping fangirling just an opinion everytime I post an opinion people get mad whatever dont read if you dont want to not every fangirl is close to being obsessive compulsive but i think i could be one; that's why i'm writing this not every fangirl is like me this is not a generalization this is a personal experience

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Anonymous asked: Your post :"I Called A Girl Beautiful..." was really great. I understand what you mean because my boyfriend is russian and when he came in Europe, he described black, arabic and asian people like litterally "ugly"(his word).But few years later, he figured out it was because he has never got used to live with different ethnicities in Russia. So I understand you really well and it's his BIRACIAL french girlfiend who tell you that. So yeah you've just been clumsy that's all. Everybody relax.

Thank you very much! I appreciate every single word you said because apparently other people seem to only see it from their view… Maybe they don’t know if ‘not used to live with different ethnicities’ is a true thing… Anyway thank you very much :)

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eunhaeology asked: Hello C: Your fanart of Donghae is so good! Do you take requests? ^^

Hello~ Kyaa thank you very much! Well I usually don’t but if it’s just one and if I think I can do the theme or the character/person maybe I can :)